Compartmentalized Sex

Having read quite a bit on the Larry Craig scandal, I felt compelled to type a few words into the fray. In part of my past work involving NGI-MSMs in PSIs (that's non-gay identified men who have sex with men in public sex environments), I became certified as an expert witness called to testify on several 647(a) trials. There are a few basic issues I'd like to address, and I thought I would do it in Q&A format.

Q: How can someone claim not to be gay, and have sex with other men?

A: Do you think anyone likes to deal with the homophobia, gay jokes, potential and realized bashings and threats, and just the general discrimination if they can avoid it? There's probably about 2 to 6% of the population that identifies as gay, mainly because they don't have a choice; that's how their wired. That leaves two ways of dealing with society's BS: move to a gay ghetto, or stay in the closet.

I expect there's another 2 to 6% on the other end of the bell curve that are hopelessly straight. For the vast majority in the middle, their orientation will vary along the continuum, depending on circumstances, potential partners, and the environment. For a bisexual man in a heterosexual world, the easiest route is to choose heterosexuality. You get the job promotions, the smiles instead of glares. It's a no-brainer.

Q: Why do sex scandals involve so many skanky partners or situations?

A: Men--all men--compartmentalize. Women have sex with the gestalt of their partner: the looks, intelligence, demeanor, passion, ability to provide, etc. Men have sex with body parts. Any guy will tell you, I'm a breast man, or I'm an ass man. If those breasts are attached to someone willing to perform oral sex, the fact that they're also attached to someone with a penis is inconsequential.

Q: Did he want to get caught? It seems so if he's having sex in public!

A: Forget the armchair psychology. All sex involves an escalation of signs. If at any time an advance is not reciprocated, the game is off. In a breeder bar, a guy glances at a girl (1). She looks back (2). He smiles (3). She reciprocates (4). He sends her a drink (5). She accepts (6). This repartee goes back and forth--perhaps across several dates and multiple conversations--until they are both naked and humping. If at any time she rolled her eyes or thew the drink in his face, the game would have been over.

The back-and-forth is just the same in a toilet stall; most folks wouldn't be aware that it was happening, unless they were playing the game themselves.

Q: Why do my tax dollars pay for cops pretending to masturbate in porn theaters and toilet stalls where they can arrest unsuspecting cruisers?

A: If you were a cop, would you rather confront a gun-toting crack dealer or sit in an air-conditioned porno theater and arrest cooperative gay men? Since they're are arrested with a lewd conduct charge, the suspect runs the risk of being convicted of a sex crime and thereby would have to register as a sex offender for the rest of their lives. An extreme penalty for "having a wide stance," or "toe tapping" under any circumstance.

In this situation, it's easy for the prosecutor to get the suspect to plead guilty to a lesser charge of "disturbing the peace" and thus maintain a high conviction rate when running for reelection.

Q: Isn't it hypocritical for Larry Craig to have such an anti-gay voting record and be simultaneously engaging in homosexual activity?

A: Imagine for a moment that you're a married man who enjoys the occasional no-strings-attached blow job on the side. Who are your allies? The conservative Idaho voters that have elected you to Congress for the past 25 years, or a bunch of gay rights activists who revel in Schadenfreude when your marriage and career are destroyed?

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