Chain Analysis Interview: Part Two

Part Two

Jason: Once I got in and walked around, I was quite excited. There’s an outdoor patio with a fire pit and there’s slings all over the place. There’s a big platform that’s raised and at the bottom are boards with holes. I was thinking, “Wow. This could be interesting!”
I’ve had a fantasy for a long time about doing public stuff where people watch. Because I’ve always been rather large, it’s not like I run around being an exhibitionist. Who the hell wants to see me naked?! So I figured this would be really neat ’cause it’s semi-dark and it’s set up in a way where I could probably experience a lot of things I’ve thought about without consequence.

Stevens: You’re walking around. You’re feeling excited. Then what happens?

Jason: I was sitting at the entrance just to see people [Chuckles] as they were coming, to select my targets. [Laughs] I walked around too and sat by the fire with a Diet Coke and watched people walking around.

Stevens: And what were you feeling as you were doing that?

Jason: Now I’m getting anxious, after I watched these people. There was the main room that has this huge sling in it. And there was one guy in it with fifteen people standing around. I was thinking, “Wow, that could be me pretty soon.”

Stevens: So you got excited.

Jason: I was ready. They have monitors throughout the club playing pornos and it was just… God, it was everything: the sexy grunge music, the videos and the people and the moaning and the… Oh my God, it just got to me!

Stevens: It got to you?

Jason: It turned me on big time. I just kept watching. And after the one finished, someone else went. And after he finished someone else went. I probably sat there for a while watching. It went from excited to frustrated because now I wanted to do that, and it’s not me. So I went back talked to the guy at the desk and explained what was going on. He says, “There’s a guy that will come in later. And if you like that, you’ll love him.” When I was sitting there this guy came up to the window that was really cute. And so I said, “Huh, there’s one.” And my friend goes, “Oh yeah, he’s a regular.” You know, he comes in all the time. I waited a few minutes and then went back to find him.

Stevens: Um-huh. What were you thinking and feeling at the time?

Jason: I was kind of mixed. Part of me was ready and excited and another part of me was thinking, “Wow, he’s such a cutie. What the hell would he want with a fat old guy?” You know, [Chuckles] I’ve had that thought for a long time.
I mean he was hot and I was anxious to talk to him to see if he was interested. But because of my dealings with people out in public, I was probably more frustrated with the fact that I don’t look good enough for people like that to be interested in me. So I went back and I saw him. He was sitting on one of the benches in the back and I sat next to him and talked to him for a while. And he thought I was cute. I was like, “Huh. How ‘bout that?” So I asked him if he wanted to go do something. He said, “Well, I just got here. I’m gonna walk around a bit, maybe later.” I’m thinking, “Ah. There’s the best blow-off I’ve ever seen.” So I went back and sat by the entrance again. And so there was a couple that came in…

Stevens: You were disappointed?

Jason: I was thinking, “Oh great. He says I’m cute, but obviously not cute enough because he said no.” I mean, that’s what “not right now” means to me.

Stevens: So were you feeling discouraged?

Jason: My definition of “not right now” means he wants to see what’s better there that he can get first and if he can’t find anyone else, then he’ll come back to me as the last resort. That’s how that came across to me. Would I say no to that? No, I would not. He can come back to me at any time and I wouldn’t care. But it was disappointing to hear him say no right off the bat.

Stevens: Right. So you went back to the window and you were watching more people arrive. Is that what you said?

Jason: Yes. This couple came in. They were very cute. Automatically I’m thinking, “Ooh, three-way! Hmm. That could be interesting.” They were exhibitionists. They checked their clothes in at the desk. I’m sitting there watching them getting undressed and I’m thinking, “Holy Cryiminy, they’re enormous!” I mean, big and big. I mean, just big everywhere, proportional. Whew! So I was watching and I complemented one because he had tattoos and stuff. I said, “Wow, you look amazing!” He says, “Really? Well, you should come find us in a minute.” I was like, “Okie-dokie. I will be right behind you.” They did their thing and they bought their Diet Cokes and they were wandering around. When I saw them go to the back, one looked at me, so that was my cue. I got up and I followed him back there. The two of them went up on the platform and told me to go around. So we did that for a bit.

Stevens: What do you mean, “We did that”?

Jason: There’s glory holes. It’s an oral thing. They stand up top, I’m at the bottom and they would alternate and I would do the oral thing.

Stevens: And how were you feeling at that point?

Jason: Oh, I was in heaven!

Stevens: So that was exciting.

Jason: It was great. Because even at this point, I’m doing something I want to do but I don’t feel guilty about it because it’s just oral sex. According to Bill Clinton, that’s not sex. [Chuckles] So I was, I was happy. Then they asked if I wanted to go to the sling. I said, “Why, yes I do.” So I went to the bathroom and cleaned up a little and I met them there. That was when it began. The one started and it would alternate between him and his boyfriend.

Stevens: So take me through it.

Jason: Before I got in the sling I told them, “I just have to let you know, I’m positive.” And they said, “Yeah, we kind of figured.” He said that to come in places like this, you have to assume everyone is. I was like, “Oh. Okay. If you want to use a condom, go ahead.” He says, “We don’t.” And I said, “Okay.” I will not say no. So that was the case. The one started, and I was orally pleasing the other. They’d alternate, switch, and stuff.

Stevens: How were you feeling during this?

Jason: Oh, I loved it.

Stevens: What were you thinking when they decided not to use a condom?

Jason: I really don’t care. I mean, that’s the main reason why I’m positive. I was too trusting. … Back in the day when I was negative and they’d say, “Oh, well I’m clean, it doesn’t matter to me,” I’m like, “Okay.” I was too trusting. It’s just kind of to the point now where it’s too late. I’m okay though; I’m on some pretty good medication.

Stevens: Okay.

Jason: They alternated, then cutie number one came wandering by and saw me in the sling and decided to join in.

Stevens: The first guy that you originally…

Jason: The one that told me “later.” It was later. He saw I was busy and he came in and watched. Then he moved in after the two had finished.

Stevens: Back up a little. When you say after the two had finished, what happened? What do you mean they finished?

Jason: The first one came in me; the second one did not. He likes watching it on your stomach. So then those two were finished.

Stevens: Did he tell you he was going to come in you? Did you agree ahead of time that that was okay? Did you not talk about it? What?

Jason: We did not talk about it, and I don’t think I really cared. I mean, at that [Laughs] at that point I was at such a state of ecstasy, I don’t think I was paying attention to anything.

Stevens: You were feeling pretty caught up in the moment.

Jason: Oh yes.

Stevens: Did he say, “I’m going to come?”

Jason: Well, basically, yes. He was saying, “I’m close.” I’m sure subconsciously I said, “Go ahead,” ‘cause I don’t remember what I said. I was just… My last two boyfriends have been kind of average. And these guys were huge. So it was a huge fantasy for me because it was something I haven’t felt ever. You know, I’ve never met anybody bigger than myself, so that was a fantasy fulfillment in itself. I probably said something along the lines of “go ahead” or “okay” or whatever, ‘cause I was in the moment. The guy that I had met first was still standing there. After they left…

Stevens: How were you feeling at that point?

Jason: I was in heaven! My night had been accomplished. I could’ve left then and been completely content. One of ‘em would’ve been great, but two!

Stevens: So you were feeling really good.

Jason: I was just about to get ready to get out and he asked me if he could have a shot at it.

Stevens: The first guy?

Jason: Yeah, the first one. I said, “By all means.”

Stevens: What about the condom thing with him, was there any talk about it?

Jason: I think because he saw those two not using one, he just assumed it was okay. So he didn’t. I wasn’t gonna say something.

Stevens: So you didn’t talk about being positive or anything with him?

Jason: You know what? I don’t think I mentioned it to him. It was so sudden. Well, that’s, unusual. Yeah, I guess I didn’t. Huh.

Stevens: So he’s fucking you without a condom?

Jason: Yes.

Stevens: Do you remember what you were thinking?

Jason: I was thinking how much I would really love to get his number and see him again.

Stevens: So you were more interested in this guy than the couple?

Jason: They told me that they don’t have outside flings. I knew there wasn’t a chance for those two anyway. But this one was by himself, so I was thinking, “Wow, I could do this a lot.” I wouldn’t mind a regular, a steady.

Stevens: He’s fucking you and then what?

Jason: He pulled out and came.

Stevens: And then what?

Jason: We talked a bit. He left to go to the bathroom to clean up, and I sat there just to see if there was anyone else that was interested. We had already made an agreement to meet up by the fire pit once I’m finished. After a few minutes, I decided I’d probably need a break anyway so I met him outside and we talked for a bit. We exchanged numbers. We haven’t used them yet, but you never know.

End Part Two

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